coming back out of the dark

Sorry I've been so inactive. It's been a rough year for a variety of reasons, like having peri-menopause totally throw off my anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds, so my brain is all over the place (not to mention my emotions!).

Thinking is just hard...keeping track of my students at school, keeping track of things at home like my laundry and meals and bills and the dishwasher and various other responsibilities. Add to that emptynesting one 19 year old and NOT emptynesting the other 19 year old....!

My dear husband (of 26 years) has been so gracious about it all. And he hugs me when I need to cry and when I need reassurance that I'm a worthwhile person (which happens when I periodically crash).

And I've reduced my responsibilities at school for next year--"demoted" myself to an overqualified teaching assistant. I just have no brains right now, with this depression--I cannot think straight and keep track of things responsibly enough. Oh, that was so hard! But I also feel relieved. It feels like I make a realistic decision.

And I let go of some things at church, too--and I feel it as both as loss and as a relief there, too. I'm just so tired all the time. I mean, I'll be okay--I just need to take care of myself and give myself the time I need to rest and heal and rejuvenate.

Anyway, my school year is done on June 1st. PHEW! THEN (or maybe even sooner) my goal is to do something FUN for at least an hour every day this summer, to counteract the depression, to cheer myself up, to give me something to look forward to daily, and to energize myself by being satisfied and rejuvenated by doing something that gives me joy.

Here's my list so far (not in any ranking order):
- knitting and crocheting
- photography
- fiddling with the pics and posting them here
- calligraphy--especially Scripture and prayers
- writing (poetry, journaling, maybe children's stuff)
- writing letters--BY HAND, ON PAPER!
(more from suggestions by friends...):
- take a walk and enjoy the beauty of God's creation
- lunch/coffee/tea with a friend
- time at a spa (or with my friend the massage therapist!)

I also plan to exercise more once school is out and I can schedule things more freely. (Isn't that ~everyone's~ excuse??)

Oh, yes, and I plan to keep meeting with my psychiatrist regularly to keep tweaking things until my hormones settle down. (That ~does~ happen eventually, right?)

So, yeah, I'm bummed...but I also know I am very well taken care of, including taking care of myself in ways no one can do for me.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Question of the day: What gives YOU joy? And...can you give that as a gift to yourself when you really need it?